Yianni's R&R: Twilight

An Exception To The "No Book Burning" Rule

Many books and movies have been made to picture the slow degeneration of society and its values; Clockwork Orange, Road Warrior, The Crucible, etc. However, among these titles, a single dark horse really takes the cake.

It is a real life “literary” example that clearly shows off the rotting minds in our culture. One might even hope that this was the author’s purpose and intention. Perhaps one of the most overrated and worst pieces of written work of all time, Twilight sinks it’s teeth into the brains of the already brainless worldwide. Harsh words yes, but all can seek redemption. More on that further down.

As I wasn’t sure how many people enjoyed the novels in Brandywine, I kept a neutral, open minded view on the matter. “Jacob’s hot. (Twilight) is really easy to relate to. You get the best of both worlds.” Said Junior Gabrielle Kieffer. After at least twenty similar interviews with other girls in the school, all saying they were either Team Edward or Team Jacob, I really hoped to stumble upon some folks who might have a different opinion.

“I just never got what the big deal was.” A breath of fresh air from Senior Karissa Chambers. Senior Isaac Davis had a very detailed opinion on the matter. It was so intriguing in fact that I deemed it necessary to include all of it. “The cultural relevance of Twilight is utterly perplexing and misguided. On top of this, the narrative is in no way appealing. The characters are unlikeable and un-relatable. The setting is bleak and undesirable. The fantasy that is presented is full of depression and unreasonable levels of angst. Finally, it is a vampire story wherein almost no one gets bitten.” Wise words.

I began to notice that the more mature seniors had the more critical opinions on the series; though many of them still love Twilight. “…It is the most horrendous piece of literature trash that I have ever seen or heard of in my life.” said Senior Brandon Combs. When I asked Senior Ericka Pyle what she thought of the books she said, “The main character is really annoying. They’re too young to be deeply enthralled in love… The people that are really into the books are also really annoying.”

“Why then is it so popular?” I asked her. Senior Tina Cianfaro cleverly cut in, “Because it’s vampires!” I got very frustrated and began to properly compile a very general list of pros and cons on Twilight and I came up with a handy dandy, fancy shmancy chart!
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Pros
- IT’S GOT VAMPIRES, DAWG.
- A mix of two genres; fantasy and romance.
- “Relatable” main characters
- Interests of the author go hand in hand with that of the reader. (Such as taste in music.)
- Such a giant backing that it is socially in your best interests to support it.
- Good rep with the women if you’re a male who “likes” it.


Cons
- Poor narrative.
- Characters are entirely unlikeable and un-relatable.
- Bleak & boring setting makes story un-believable and hard to imagine.
- Specific fantasy presented is depressing and entirely whiny.
- Readers find themselves hoping that the main protagonist gets killed because she is so terrible; something that is very bad considering you cant have a good book wherein you absolutely hate the main character whom you are supposed to love.
- Completely creepy love triangle.
- Extremely questionable motifs on the part of Edward. He’s over 100 years old hasn’t found a woman better than this dreary, blank, 17 hormonal wench?
- Not a true love story. People don’t fall in love with one another simply because they don’t know what they are thinking.
- Absolutely no emotional attachment between the two “lovers”.
- Bella simply wets her pants every time she sees Edward.
- Therefore what’s left is a totally physical relationship since the two have nothing in common or talk about anything besides what’s going on currently
- Has no reward to give to the reader. They gain no life lessons out of reading the series.
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There is however, one factor that I forget to put on the Pros section of the chart. Something that is actually quite important. When I asked the teachers of the English department I was extremely surprised and glad at the answers they gave me. They brought out an aspect of this series and it’s influence on society that was good. “I think that just about any book, series, or genre that stimulates kids to read and to find/rediscover the joy of reading is a good thing.” Said Mrs. Flanagan. I received other positive input such as this. For example Mrs. Sypher was able to discuss the books with her kids after they had all read them. A great family thing to do really, as I recall reading the Harry Potter series all together with my family.

Still, there must surely be a better alternatives to Twilight. If you tell people not to read something, you have to tell them to read something else. If you enjoyed Twilight, I am sure you would absolutely love any of the following books which are infinitely better reads:

Cirque Du Freak by Darren Shan
Interview with a Vampire by Anne Rice
True Blood Series by Patricia Waddell

and a plethora of others.

In the end, I come back to the common phrase I always say, “Whatever floats your boat that doesn’t sink mine.” The Twilight series doesn’t sink my boat in any way. However, the ravenous fan-girls that are “really annoying” (as Senior Ericka Pyle so rightly stated.) really deserve to have their boats sink. Hopefully there are sharks in the water.

-Yianni Jannelli